Why victims don’t ‘just leave’: Advocate explains the hidden layers of abuse

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. (WBRC) - As graphic allegations against Sean “Diddy” Combs dominate headlines, they’ve reignited a common — and often misguided — question: Why didn’t she just leave?

Sunny Slaughter, a veteran law enforcement instructor and advocate for survivors of abuse, says the answer isn’t simple. And that question, she warns, misses the deeper truth.

“You know, people just think, OK, they can get up and leave — and that’s not always the case,” Slaughter said. “In many cases, the abuser has so much control over the victim. They might not have finances. There might be children involved. They have work, they have family — they’re tethered to the situation.”

That sense of entrapment isn’t always physical. Fear, manipulation, and emotional control can forge what’s known as a trauma bond — a psychological connection that keeps victims tied to their abusers.

“They’re there because they want to be with the person — but they’re not a willing participant in their own violence,” Slaughter said. “They’re trying to survive, to see if they can change the dynamic — if their behavior changes, maybe the person they love will love them back the right way.”

She compares the experience to drowning — not because the victim is weak, but because someone is holding them under. And over time, the violence itself becomes normalized.

Slaughter says abuse cuts across all boundaries — race, gender, religion, wealth. No one is immune.

“This could happen to any person,” she said. “It has no label.”

Even after escaping, shame can keep survivors silent. That silence, Slaughter says, is deadly.

“Shame is almost like a heartbreak. You’re already going through the violence — and shame and judgment and trauma,” she said. “And when people don’t feel they can talk to anyone, the cycle continues.”

Support is critical. Survivors often need stable housing, financial assistance, transportation, legal support — and above all, mental health care.

“Mental health becomes the foundation that everyone needs,” Slaughter said. “It’s the one thing money can’t buy — but you often need money to access it.”

Her advice to those trying to leave: have a plan — and don’t look back.

“Once you’re gone, stay gone,” she said. “Safety is possible. Security is possible. But it has to be intentional.”

Slaughter also reminds the public that domestic violence isn’t confined to intimate partners. Increasingly, she says, it surfaces between family members, friends, and even colleagues.

“There’s no one profile for a victim — or for a perpetrator,” she said. “This can happen to anyone. And that’s why we all need to listen.”

Local resources available to survivors in Birmingham include the YWCA, the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and support programs through the Jefferson County District Attorney’s Office.

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